Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
