I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
