Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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