Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
