they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
