I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
People with herpes should wear stickers.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
