Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
