I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
