Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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