remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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