The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
