Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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