My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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