Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
