I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
