I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
