Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh god it's open bar.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
