how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
