somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
