Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
