went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Say something about gay babies.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
