I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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