How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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