mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
