I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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