ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're like the curious george of whores
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
