i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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