i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
