new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
