arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
