I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize