Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
