it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
