You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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