This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
