If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it hurts more in the daytime
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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