Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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