i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
