It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize