You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
