Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
