He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
