Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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