You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
