I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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