thus making me awesome and them whores
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
