everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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