apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
