i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
