And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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