I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
