Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
