Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
