fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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