No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
