he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
