went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
