:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
