I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
