I accidentally had phone sex last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
