Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
