Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize