Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
