Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
