i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
