Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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