even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
