Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
