Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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