Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
