please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
