Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
