If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
