Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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