Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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